So long ago (read: pre residency) I was a very different person. There's nothing wrong with that, and there's nothing wrong with change. I would even venture to say that not changing in the face of significant life events may not be healthy. That said, at what point is it settling and stagnating instead of actual change and evolving?
While cleaning my closet today (theme of the year is organization and beauty!) in a bid to make my life less chaotic I realized something. I once had 20 pairs of lacy underwear for no purpose other than because they're beautiful and that I'm happy wearing them. I counted 4 today, none of which I particularly like. Am I really living a more minimalist lifestyle or have I let 2 years in social isolation - even pre-covid - stop me from being me? Am I really okay with not wearing stylish, fashion forward dresses because I've evolved past them? Or do I just still hear the catty, backwards voices of a toxic workplace bitches ask me if I'm dressed like that to entice patients and other physicians? Am I just letting those past traumas (having a coworker loudly point out my nipples in a dress in a busy ER where I was staffing) determine what I still do or were those just formative experiences that changed me for the better? Am I actually happy with who I am or am I merely stuck in a stagnant puddle?
I used to think I evolved past them. It turns out I might just be still stuck waist deep by past shit. So on the theme of living a more beautiful year, whatever that might mean on each given day, I'm throwing out all the old clothes, underwear and all, and buying some new, beautiful clothes.
"If you can't love yourself how the hell you gonna love someone else?"
Who knew the best life advice I've ever gotten would come from a reality drag show?
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