Today I wrote my MCCQE1. It definitely wasn't the most fun time of my life. For security and professional purposes I can't say much about the exam. I'll just say that I tend to mouth questions as I go, and since we weren't allowed water at our stations, I was bone dry by the end of it. I also alternated wildly between sweating from anxiety and freezing from the room.
In some form of pathetic fallacy, the wind raged here today. Although I guess soon I'll get a taste of what real wind is like on the norther NFLD coast. Everything went everywhere and my scarf became the crazy arm waving inflatable things. It also tried to strangle me. On a different note, I regret wearing a dress today.
I'm sad. Sad and happy.
This is the end of medical school for me. 3 of the most amazing, wild years of my life. I'll never be a medical student again. Yikes. Now I'm responsible for people. I reminisce on a lot of those days. On a balcony of the hospital, sipping coffee and chatting idly about nothing. Staying up until 4AM together on call and bordering on delirious while still consulting on patients in the emerg. Walking out of an unsuccessful code together and sharing a grimace before we go back to work. Delivering babies and crying with the family in overwhelming joy. Holding a palliative patient while she cries about the children she will leave behind in mere weeks. Retracing in surgeries, attending teaching rounds, and floating down hospital and clinic hallways with the absolute certainty that I belonged there. Good years of certainty, knowing that I had one job - to learn to be a good doctor.
Apparently I've now learned. On May 24th I cross the stage and see almost all of my classmates for what may be the last time as we get minted as the newest batch of doctors.
It's also the end of my time in Hamilton. I've been a Hamiltonian since I was 12 and moved from Toronto. 14 years in 'The Steel City'. I call it home. I still haven't packed! It's going to be a bloody disaster when I come back from my trip. I haven't even packed for the Italy trip I've been dreaming of and my plane takes off in 17 hours.
I'm leaving my boyfriend, my best friends, my parents all here. Every doctor I know, every professional relationship I built, and every restaurant I've become a regular at are all being left behind. I'm moving to a land of ice and snow, where the tires are studded and the weather is freezing. But hey, I'm doing this willingly.
Hence the happy part. Comfortable is as comfortable does, but there's a little voice screaming 'adventure! Adventure! Adventure!' and it's only amplified in the last years. It's a harsh adventure, it'll be a hard adventure, but let's go for it.
Today I was also on campus for possibly the last time. Since my first days in Hamilton I've dreamed of walking on McMaster campus as one of the health sci students. I spent my high school years flitting in and out of Mac for performances, exhibits and science classes. Then I was a health sci for 4, glorious years. 3 more years in the promised land of med students.
Everything ended today. My last night in Hamilton. My last day on campus. My last time lying on this couch and typing on my laptop. I've been on the verge of tears all day - although some of that is just because I wrote the exam today. (It was like pulling teeth.)
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